Updated: Apr 18, 2020
The status wine. What is it, really? It’s probably brilliantly marketed, expensive, overpriced (they’re not the same thing, moron), expensive, sold as exclusive (it’s probably not), and romanticized to shit. It’s also probably everywhere being consumed by everyone and their dog who has a little cash and wants an easy way to look and feel important. Only, that’s a sham, because people who drink these wines when other, better, (and probably cheaper, but you want to show that you're a big spender!) options are available, are dumb.
Remember that ‘NSYNC video where all the girls were chasing them? Well, it worked. People are like sheep. They follow the herd. This is why everyone wants to be a master sommelier. Because they saw Ian Cauble try to do it and then eventually do it. Actually he might have made it on the first go around but nobody really cares. At least not here. Well the boys from ‘NSYNC became the apple of the eye of many a sheep, I’ll tell ya. And this is where we are re-introduced to the guy who orders the J. Lohr, the Caymus, the Cakebread, the Continuum, and so on and so on. He probably has a bunch of big name wines at home, or he doesn’t, but he probably buys them for Christmas for himself or clients. You know, it may not be him at all. It might be her. “This doesn’t taste as good as Kim Crawford.” You poor, unfortunate soul. “I only drink Veuve Clicquot. It’s the best Champagne. Nothing comes close.” It’s the only Champagne you’ve ever heard of, you stunned cunt. It’s like those big, hot pink shopping bags from Holt Renfrew. I don’t even think they bought anything. They might as well just fill the bag with tissue paper and fluff. The same way they might as well just fill these bottles with Natty Light. Which, in some cases, they kinda do. I digress.
I’ll make this quick for ya. If it’s common, it probably isn’t special. It doesn’t mean it’s not good, but it probably for sure isn’t special. Now, just to show that I’m a good guy, I’ll take the flipside here. The Devil’s Avocado. (Delish).
See, a lot of winos are really just hipsters. I just thought of that, but I like where this is going. They are the opposite of their parents. The parents listen to Tony Bennet and Celine Dion. The hipster children listen to bands you’ve never heard of. Only, at the end of the day, they end up in the same place. That band you never heard of gets popular, and they end up just like the douchebag ordering Caymus (I’ll expose Caymus later). So, how do we fix these ego issues where people just follow the herd?
When you follow the herd, you lose your own ability to discern. And nothing makes a person look uglier than when they think something is of quality JUST because it is popular. Some popular wines and popular other things are of great quality. Some are shit. Equally, some unpopular wine and other things are of great quality, and, well, some are ALSO SHIT. It really doesn’t matter. The ego attached to your herd mentality, the desire to be accepted by a group, is in. your. way. Don’t be above trying stuff that’s well known, and don’t be below going where nobody else is confident enough to go.