My Top 5 Alternatives to a Wine Glass


Somebody asked me the other day during an interview if I could pass on some tips on wine glass etiquette, IE. how to hold a wine glass properly, etc. I dodged the question and instead rattled off several things I have used instead of a wine glass to consume wine.


What can I say? I like to encourage experimentation. Here we go. I'll count them down to my personal favourite.


#5. Red SOLO™ Cup


A classic and must-do for all serious wine drinkers. I'd go so far as to say that if you haven't drank a bottle of wine worth at least $30 from a SOLO™ cup, then you haven't really drank wine at all, have you? No, no you haven't. Not until you crack something decent and fire up the SOLO™. And let it be known that the SOLO™ cup requires no occasion or extenuating circumstances to be put into play, oh no. Just make sure you have a good Sharpie™ on hand to write your alias on the cup. And you can re-use them. Just saying.


#4. Ceramic Coffee Mug


Nothing earth-shattering to see here yet. This is a veteran move for anyone who works in an office or needs to operate in a stealthy manner. I found myself sitting on the sofa with a mug of Gamay as recently as last weekend while in the midst of a situation where the appearance of consuming wine may have been a detriment to some other than myself, shall we say. Never the less, a large, white ceramic mug gives one a totally different, but nonetheless valuable impression of a wine's colour. It's kind of like when you pee in a cup versus in the toilet: you really have no idea what colour it truly is when the bowl is filled with water. Sounds crazy. But it's true. The toilet did not make this list. I'm sure you'll be happy to know.


#3. Those Cone-Shaped Cups at the Water Cooler


What these make-shift wine vessels lack in size and in ability to reliably hold wine in while swirling, they make up for in the simple fact that they are impossible to put down. This means you must finish the contents before you free up your drinking hand. Despite diminutive volume, the consequences of this can be very serious. Use with caution.


#2. Starbucks Cup With PSL Remnants


One myth about wine which is just ridiculous is that it should enter a clean glass. Any serious wine drinker always prefers crystal that's been seasoned with at LEAST one other wine. See, crystal is porous, and therefore, if cleaned with some sort of detergent, can inadvertently pass the remnant of that detergent onto a wine, totally fucking it up, as they say. This is why decanters get seasoned with a little bit of wine first, which is swirled, and discarded. The theory is that the remnant of another wine will impact a wine far, far less than soap will. So, why not apply this rule to a disposable coffee cup? I wouldn't want any free radicals present in the waxed liner penetrating my wine, so I leave the leftover foam and cinnamon sprinkles from the Pumpkin Spice Latté™ in there to protect it. Pro tip: if you're bored of your regular afternoon stroll, scarf down the PSL fast and refill with wine. The courage you will gain in striking up conversations with attractive strangers, reprimanding irresponsible dog owners, and singing numbers from "Hamilton" out loud will leave you wanting to employ this vessel on a regular basis.


...annnnd numero uno:


Empty Corona Bottle


I once found myself at the top of a mountain with a bottle of Corona, a bottle of Pinot Gris, a cat named Archie in my backpack, and a date. I didn't think it would be fashionable for us to have to share wine straight from the bottle on this occasion, though I have no idea why I wouldn't think this would be fashionable because I think that it would have been extremely fashionable. Irregardless (spell check says it's a word!), at the time, I saw the need to create a new vessel. Date did not want to drink beer. So what did the gentlemanly self do? Slammed back that bottle of Corona, poured half the wine into the now-empty beer bottle, and passed the bottle off to said date. We clinked, and carried on with our picnic. Civilized AF. Let me tell you, that swanky feeling you get when you have a beer bottle dangling casually from your fingers and the stylish way you can take a swig like you're Bruce Springsteen in the video for I'm On Fire makes Pinot Gris taste better.


Honestly.


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